|Posted on August 7, 2018 at 7:55 AM||comments (1)|
Feeling low can mean that any song, anywhere heard can evoke pretty strong emotions. I find that sometimes the words just jump out at me and grab me, choke me. Tears start falling and suddenly I'm overwhelmed. Sometimes and more often words are not needed and the music is powerful enough - such as this music from Ludovico Einaudi which evokes within me a whole array of melancholy, warmness, joy and remembrance all in one.
I wonder what it is about a song / music that can have the power to transport us to a time and a place, whether we want to or not. The rhythm, the tone, the lyrics; manifest images in the mind of the 'roundabout', the 'kiss', the 'park' the ex boyfriend, the place of work or a loved one lost!
You know what I'm saying....The song that trips you up, makes you smile, cry, sob. For me music plays a excruciating part in my life that haunts and torments and equally lifts me up and carries me along the wind. Whether it's Petula Clark and 'Downtown' that reminds me of dancing in the living room with my mother or Lisa Loeb and 'Stay' that takes me back 23 years to a proposal, each equally has the powerful ebb to tip my emotions to a place I had not planned.
I reflect on my work in the therapy room, whereby moments of silence work to move and shift a client further towards a...something - similiar to music. The silence can teach us a thousand things about what is happening - right now and has the power to tip and trip us up into brimming emotions that kisses the surface of change!
I wonder what your song is, feel free to share.
|Posted on August 6, 2018 at 4:35 AM||comments (0)|
Sometimes I wake in the morning and I think, for no reason that I just can't do it, yet I have witihin me a story to tell and a magic person to offer everyone. Sometimes I think to myself, no one can see me, no one understands how lovely I am; how I, little me could be a successful person, a happy person, a smiler... a shiner - One of those people that cycles to work every day, eats vegetables and bounces along!
I know that I am that person, but that person is sitting within this other person that stops that other guy from coming out. So, I just sit here anyhow and allow that controlling, suffocating 'other' to oppress and control the other me to keep quiet and stay dark and without light. I also feel him pushing and tugging and pulling, wanting to come out. I tease him and taunt him... "Go away, you are nothing, you cant do anything, you will be never 'be' anything....ever...not ever."
Yet, at the same I feel the strength of successful me, the handsome me, the nice me, I hear him say " you can do it, let them see, let them know 'you' because 'you' are lovely and shiny and sexy and awesome".
I know that this is me and the other me is me too!
How do I get them to mix up a bit and be kind to each other. I want to be a stronger person and build myself up and let myself out. I want to be valued cos I am worthy of being valued, but they dont value me...whose they? There is a longing, a hunger within my mind, heart and soul for meaningful conversation. A meaningful opening up of myself so others can see the beautiful me behind the closed up mess visible now....in the mirror when I take a glance at myself or catch myself in the window of a shop or such like.
Change is painful you know, hard and confusing. I wish I could be there for you...they say - Friends.
There may never be an answer - there is so much worth in you...they say - Friends & Family.
Am I going mad? - You are in the middle of a process - they say - Friends & Family.
What do they know, do they really see me, value me, like they say they do.....Why can't I believe them? Why can't I feel it? Why don't the words hit my stomach and meet me inside? Why can't I really believe them. Yet at the same time. I know they are right! It's so confusing. I feel sad. I am empty.
All day, I have been sad, crying and trying to be a good human... whilst utterly alone. Wanting to be strong and then...No...I can't be.
I want to distance myself from others and engage with others...fill myself with reason. I feel powerless, a powerlessness that is hard to describe and understand. There is no connection....then maybe a slight connection and then that explodes all the feelings I have.
I am trying to figure this out but I am going around in circles. I want to understand the tuldgy tangling roots that hold me stuckfast to this stupid feeling I have. This low-ness of low ebb that I can't seem to shift....
BUT WANT TO -
That is.... AGGREVATED POTENTIAL.